Lost.

My emotions always come through in my work.  However hard I try to control what I’m working on if I don’t let go it just will not work.  I try to stick with a specific idea I have but I can guarantee it will fail if at some part of the journey I don’t lose the control.

This is what has been happening for the past three weeks.  It has felt like everything I have produced is rubbish and that clear vision I once had has blurred.  Usually after all my research, a picture of part of a painting will just appear in my head and I go from there.  I have such distinct ideas about certain works I want to produce but I haven’t been able to execute.  I am extremely self critical, nothing is ever good enough and it takes me a long time to know when I painting is finished.  Maybe that will change as I grow as an artist and my work takes me in different directions but for now that’s just me.

Last week I had a dream that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.  This might seem weird, or for those that have lost a parent it might resonate.  Since my mum passed away I have had a number of dreams where it seems like she is communicating with me from somewhere that’s out of this dimension.  There is a distance in these dreams that I cannot describe, the sounds are always the same and she always delivers a message.  I know this is ridiculous, we cannot communicate with the other side but I have always felt on some level I have a deeper, spiritual connection with the universe.  I often ask it for things and it gives to me.  Does this happen because I am so focused that if I believe in something subconsciously I’ll make steps to make it happen?  Maybe in this case, it is my mind giving me this information via my dream state.  A thought I have created in my deeper conscious that only surfaces when I sleep?

Anyway, the message I got wasn’t some mind-blowing revelation about life and death.  It was a simple message that was perfectly timed and one I told my sister about as soon as I woke up.

This dream helped me through my latest funk, I listened to Damien Jurado, thought about my mum and what she said and I finally got somewhere.

The message:

“I got a tattoo and it doesn’t look good”.

Thanks Mum.

with love,

Kate x