My emotions always come through in my work. However hard I try to control what I’m working on if I don’t let go it just will not work. I try to stick with a specific idea I have but I can guarantee it will fail if at some part of the journey I don’t lose the control.
This is what has been happening for the past three weeks. It has felt like everything I have produced is rubbish and that clear vision I once had has blurred. Usually after all my research, a picture of part of a painting will just appear in my head and I go from there. I have such distinct ideas about certain works I want to produce but I haven’t been able to execute. I am extremely self critical, nothing is ever good enough and it takes me a long time to know when I painting is finished. Maybe that will change as I grow as an artist and my work takes me in different directions but for now that’s just me.
Last week I had a dream that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. This might seem weird, or for those that have lost a parent it might resonate. Since my mum passed away I have had a number of dreams where it seems like she is communicating with me from somewhere that’s out of this dimension. There is a distance in these dreams that I cannot describe, the sounds are always the same and she always delivers a message. I know this is ridiculous, we cannot communicate with the other side but I have always felt on some level I have a deeper, spiritual connection with the universe. I often ask it for things and it gives to me. Does this happen because I am so focused that if I believe in something subconsciously I’ll make steps to make it happen? Maybe in this case, it is my mind giving me this information via my dream state. A thought I have created in my deeper conscious that only surfaces when I sleep?
Anyway, the message I got wasn’t some mind-blowing revelation about life and death. It was a simple message that was perfectly timed and one I told my sister about as soon as I woke up.
This dream helped me through my latest funk, I listened to Damien Jurado, thought about my mum and what she said and I finally got somewhere.
“I got a tattoo and it doesn’t look good”.